Something has been stirring in my heart for the past couple of days and I'm not quite sure what that is but I decided I would try to write some of it out and begin to sort through my feelings.
I've spent a of of these past 4 months wallowing in the challenges of moving to a new place, living alone and being a first year teacher. A few days ago I woke up thinking, here I am, single teaching in a high poverty school. What COULD I be doing that I'm not. What opportunities do I have as a young single woman that I might not have later in life as a teacher. Can I invest more time in my kids? Can I spend more time lesson planning? Can I pray for them more? Can I pray for my patience more? Can I volunteer with an extracurricular activity? Can I search for volunteers to get help into a school that desperately needs it? Can I spend time with kids after school to foster relationships?
So those are a few thoughts that had been spiraling in my head for the past few days. Then today my eyes were opened to the fact that I have so much power and influence over the lives of my kids. This moment happened after school when I only had a few kids left in my room. We had just finished playing treasure (where the kids search for the magic piece of treasure (trash) from the floor and whoever gets the magic piece gets candy. Basically a quick way to get the floor cleaned) But anyway, I was sitting up on my back table and my kids were all sitting criss cross on the floor in front of me. I was about to award the winner of the game and I also gave an honorable mention to every child that participated for something great they had done during that time. The kids were looking at me with these wide open eyes that were just anticipating what positive thing I was going to say about them. There was nothing magical or important about this moment, I just got this overwhelming feeling that my words and actions had huge power over my kids.
So I began thinking about how my attitude and demeanor towards my kids has power and how I need to be more aware of that. If I snap at a child because someone snapped at me and the effects are now rippling, what is that doing to the kid? If I tell a child to stop talking when all they want is to have their voice heard, then what message am I sending them about the value of their opinions and ideas.
I'm in a hard position with some hard kids, but I am in the position to influence them in a positive way. So I simply have to make the decision, HOW am I going to use my words and actions to influence my kids.
Hmm...
Well I guess I'm going to get back to grading papers and snow dancing. This tired first year teacher would LOVE a 2 hour delay. Come on wake county... please?!
